my guy March 2, 2008

Looks

• tall and slender or slender/muscular
• blondeish-brown hair
• eye color doesn’t matter
• clean-cut all american yet has a cultured and artistic side, yet stil interested in sports and outdoor activities
• cute (did I need to say that?)

Personality:

• laid back/casual but still ambitious and goal-oriented
• he is successful in whatever career he has chosen or on the way to it, and has goals for himself
• funny. have to be able to have fun with him. life is too short.
• open & communicative
• affectionate

My guy to me:

• calms me down when I’m stressed
• makes me laugh when I need it
• doesn’t let me take life so seriously
• pushes me to try new things

Hobbies

• likes to be out and about
• keeps active – sports or gym
• Must like to travel

5 qualities he must have:

1. ability to have fun
2. ambitious & goal-oriented
3. likes to travel/try new things
4. values friends & family
5. sense of humor

5 things he must not have:

1. possessiveness/controlling
2. inability to communicate
3. laziness
4. stubborness
5. lying

loml…gone forever? February 18, 2008

So I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex lately…the one from almost 5 years ago… the one who I thought was the love of my life. To me, he seemed the best match out of all the guys I’ve dated (which have been many.) So that gets me wondering if he was the right one and I let him slip away? We didn’t really have a falling out, we just kind of lost touch. I mean, we stayed in touch years after we dated…almost 3, and have just lost touch in the past couple years. He used to have a myspace account but now doesn’t (Or does but it’s under a different email) and about a year ago I emailed him at his old email address and never got a response. This prompted me to think that he doesn’t want to be in touch with me. But not having a response from him was an odd thing, esp. since we talked throughout the times when we were both dating other people. In my email I just asked how he was, short and sweet, but no response. I could try his work email (if he is still working where he was 2 years ago) but otherwise I don’t know how to find him. I guess the worst thing that could happen is that he wouldn’t respond to my email (again.) Is it worth a try so I can put this situation out of my mind? I think I’m going to do it. One of my resolutions was to not to let fear prevent me from doing things. But then again, the door is closed..why open it?

VD February 14, 2008

can stand for Valentine’s Day, as well as venereal disease. In some cases one is just as bad as the other. Ok, really I don’t want to be the bitter single person who hates the holiday. It’s really just another day. However, I will use this time to get my aggravation out about a boy-situation-turned bad.

So, as you may know, something weird happened a few months ago with a guy that it probably shouldn’t have (I say that because he is kind of like family- we’ve known each other long, but yet, we don’t know each other at all). Anyway, one drunken night over vacation when my friend and I went out with him and his friend, we ended up hooking up (just making out a little, everything PG rated!). And it was very disturbing to me, yet oddly enough I was turned on. (I think that’s what was disturbing.) So, that’s fine. It happened, we were wasted, I figured it was a one-time thing. Earlier that night we had exchanged email addresses for some reason (pre-cursor!?!) And during that two months we had exchanged a few emails.

It was my turn to email and I forgot to email back b/c so much was going on in my life. Then fast-forward 2 months when I see him again. I have a little too much champagne, and it happens AGAIN. Now, we both had some alcohol in our systems but we can’t blame that entirely. And this time it went a little south of PG-rated, if you know what I mean. So after that happens, I realize that I MUST like him, or at the very least like making out with him. Otherwise, why would I continue to do this?

(Also, here’s an interesting counterpoint – does this mean he likes me or likes making out with me? Or do guys just take what they can get?)

So, anyway. A week goes by and I can’t really stop thinking about him, so I figure, what the hell, I’ll email him (since it was technically my turn, anyway) so I emailed and he emailed back the same day sounding excited to hear from me. So, I waited a couple days then emailed again. No email. Now, I knew he had a lot going on and didn’t think twice about it. But then a week passed and then another and I never got a response.

 So, I kind of feel like I should be over it. I should be over it, right? Especially since we really won’t see each other for another 4 months. Part of me was hoping it wouldn’t be that long, but now… why should I go out of my way when he can’t even respond to an email?

Boys! They are so frustrating! Just another reason why it’s nice to be sans VD today.

that’s what “they” say February 14, 2008

“Most likely, it will happen when you’re not looking. It’s best to keep your eyes open.”

This quote I am applying to my love life. I don’t think C.S. Lewis meant to apply it to love lives when he wrote The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but who knows? Maybe he did.

That’s what everyone says though, that you should stop looking and that’s when it will hit you. So, I’m going to stop looking. I should also stop getting frustrated about not having time to look! So I’ll stop that as well. I’m just going to start enjoying my life as it is and feel happy that these things are going to work out for me soon, and I may as well enjoy my singleness when I have it.

what makes a relationship work, and non-commitment January 20, 2008

So, it occured to me that everyone is looking for the same thing in a boy/girlfriend. Someone who is nice, honest, smart (to some degree, depending on the person), attractive, with a good sense of humor. If everyone is looking for such common qualities (of which I could attribute to each and every one of my friends) why is it so hard to find that person? So, that makes me think that it all boils down to the “connection”…the chemistry you have with someone. I guess that is the tie that binds. What about when the chemistry runs out? Or, if you are with the right person does the chemistry never run out? These are things to ask my newly engaged friend. How did she know he was the one? Maybe that will help shed some light.

On another note, I just recently realized that my whole life since college has been a string of non-commitments. This can specifically be seen in my apartments. Below you will find a list of years and moves I have made over the past 10 years…

1) May 2000 – Right after college – in with boyfriend – 3 months

2) July 2000 – shitty suburban apt with internet roommate and her 2 year old (do I need to say how that ended?)

3) January 2001 – downtown victorian with friend of a friend. Lived in a shitty non-insulated patio-turned-bedroom and had to share a bathroom with god-knows-who she brought home from the bar last night.

4) June 2001 – thank god! my good friend is moving to town and we’re getting a place together. By far, the best living situation.

5) July 2004 – best friend/roommie decides she is re-locating. I pick a small 1bedroom downtown complete with cockroaches and sketchy neighbors.

6) April 2005 – former co-worker and I discover we are both unhappy in our current living situation and decide to start apt. hunting. Find a too-good-too-be true remodeld, granite countertops, hard wood floors, 2b/2b.

7) October 2005 – She moves to another city with her boyfriend.

November 2005 – I move into a better apt in the same complex with a pyscho. (unknowingly, of course.)

9) June 2007 – move in with a seemingly supersweet co-worker who kicks me out 6 months later

10) Present day 2008 – live by myself in a spacious one-bedroom in a happening area of town.

Let me just showcase this problem in another area of my life, dating:

1) college boyfriend, Pot Head - lasted 6 months after college

2) rebound with co-worker Techie Geek – 6 -10 months

3) singledom/wild child – 2-3 months

4) meet LOML Military Man at a club – together 2 years

5) LOML Military Man sent overseas for 3 years. Rebound with guy friend Emo Whiner- 10 months.

6) singledom/wild child – 3-4 months

7) Meet former classmate Control Freak on match.com and date for almost a year with no “I love you” – 11 months

8) singledom – 13 months!! (many guys, fun times, I’ll need to make a separate blog for this period in my life)

9) Meet Safe Bet on eharmony.com & date for 6 months before realizing I don’t want to play it safe.

10) singledom (present-day) going on 7 months.

So, it seems I’m on the 10th phase on my apartment and dating life. What will come next??

new years resolutions December 31, 2007

Ok, so I’ve realized I can’t move on until I get closure and that is the purpose of this post. Out with the old and in with the new. I need to get the old boys out of my mind and heart to make room for the new “one.” (that is because I only want one, “the one” and not many as I have wanted in the past.) Really, when I meet the right guy, he will be enough for me and I won’t have to have an array of exes at my hands to satisfy my needs. So, this email will say good-bye to:

Mr. X. We’ve been skirting around the issue of getting back together, but since you refuse to grab the bulls by the horns, or make any sort of gesture indicating that you actually DO want to get back together, and don’t just want the dessert; then I have to say good-bye. We’ll be friends. But we won’t be more. I have to leave that spot open for someone who is worth it and can TELL me he wants me.

Former LOML. Wow, you’re a tough one to get rid of. I’ve been carrying around the memory (with the hope) of you for the past 4 years – since we broke up. I thought you were the one, the love of my life, and I was so sure about it, until the day you weren’t. You can’t break my confidence and my trust like that and think you will ever get it back 100%. Sadly, that 100% was what made the relationship so strong. Also, you’ve been MIA for a year now, and so I can only expect that you are 1) married, 2) fighting the war overseas, or 3) for some reason do not want to contact me. Any of the above, I shouldn’t entertain the idea that you would be contacting me; and so, I cannot wait any longer and must say good-bye to you. It’s been a long time coming, so it’s not so sad for me, but I wish you the best and know that you’ll always have a little piece of my heart (though not all of it.)

Mr. Vegas Fling. You are also a toughie to get out of the mind. Because I only knew you for such a short period, and was so enamored of you, you had no flaws in my mind. In fact, all of your good qualities were magnified 10 fold and I’m sure I added some more on to that. While I’m sure you are a smart, handsome guy, I can’t attest to the fact that we are a good match, or that you meet my qualifications for boyfriend. One thing alone (distance) makes you unqualified, and so I need to quench the pipe dream that something more would ever happen between the two of us. I wish you a great life, and also wish that you think of me from time to time,but consider this my good-bye to you, good-bye to everything that I knew.

Ok. I think that’s it. That was cathartic but is going to take more strength than just this post. I’m going to have to work to NOT let these people invade my thoughts. Which I can do. Now, on to fresh meat and greener pastures…