metabolism February 10, 2008

They say it changes around 30. I didn’t know they mean, like, really, right around 30. There have been so many changes the past months. Like, for one, I can’t drink so much anymore. Or rather, if I do drink the same amount, I end up getting sick. I mean throwing the next morning sick. This from a person who drank 10 years before ever throwing up. Now it’s like this regular thing.

Last night I tried to find the equilibrium point of drinking as much as I can without throwing up. I found it. It was after 1 vodka soda, and 2 beers. That’s not much. And I’m still not feeling that great today. I think the new key will be to drink water inbetween drinks and stop at 3.

Secondly, I have been eating like a madwoman lately. This is maybe due to the fact that I was sick for 3 weeks and all I could eat was chicken soup. So literally, I was starving. Anyway, I have been overeating lately and not the healthiest stuff and now it’s starting to show up on my body… not fun. I guess eating a lot of crackers or ice cream at midnight now has side effects.

So, here’s my new plan to cope with this change in metabolism:

• 3 drink maximum when I go out. Drink a glass of water in between, or at least 1 full one at the beginning and end of the night.
• Cut out refined carbs, meaning cookies, crackers, potato chips, etc. Now that I think of it, I’ll throw that stuff out right now and no longer buy it.
• Don’t eat after 6, and eat enough so I don’t eat after drinking.
• Eat a healthy breakfast and no fast food.
• Drink more water than I think I need to.

 I always new this day would come, but didn’t realize it would be so soon. Oh well, gotta change with the times I guess!

I had a dream about Brad last night February 9, 2008

I met him when I was 20 and in my junior year of college. I went with some friends to college night at a local club. We met him and his friends on the dance floor, then later he bought me a drink, which resulted in all of us getting kicked out when the bouncer watched me take a sip. Silly little 20 year old!

He kissed me in the parking lot and we exchanged numbers. I wasn’t even drunk so this was a big deal for me. Being sober and making out with a guy I just met. He was tall, 6′4″ to be exact, dark brown hair and brown eyes, chiseled face and body to match. He was the kind of guy any girl would find attractive.

We started dating soon there after and dated all through the rest of my junior year and senior year of college. At graduation he met my parents, my sister, my friends, my grandparents. There are photos of him with my family. We look really happy together. Or maybe that was me being happy graduating college.

After college I moved in with him for a couple months while job and apartment hunting. That’s when the real shit hit the fan. I guess you don’t know someone until you spend 24/7 with them. I’m not sure if it was a quality I had just overlooked before, or something I brought out in him after I moved in, but his anger and rage over little things would kill our relationship. And become so scary to me that even now I still fear running into him.

I fear someone I used to love. Isn’t that weird? I must have some baggage from that relationship, but oddly enough, I’ve managed to get myself in several relationships since then without any trace of the rage in any of theh guys. And, after the restraining order, and changing my job and my address, he has been since long gone.

Still I wonder if we’ll ever run into each other again.