in three years, I see myself… February 27, 2008

as a marketing manager for a unique, smaller, boutique company. I’ll work between 40-50 hours per week and not more. I’ll have lots of responsibility yet my job will not have a lot of stress. I will love my job. It will give me creative freedom. It’s casual attire. It’s a boutique agency – I may have started it by myself or with close friends. I love the people I work with.

I live in a lovely condo in a nice area with lots of trees, good shopping, gourmet grocery stores, good restaurants and parks. It’s an affluent area. My condo is warm and comfy with colors like red and brown. It has 2 stories, a fireplace, maybe a dog and cat, stainless steel appliances and his and her bathrooms.

My husband is a hottie and loves to cook. He’s tall, with short spikey blonde-brown hair. He’s smart but doesn’t act like he knows it. He’s sweet and thoughtful, but also a man’s man. We go to symphony concerts as well as baseball games; Europe as well as Vegas. He makes me laugh, and makes me smile. He is successful in his career but doesn’t let it control his life. He is close to his family but doesn’t let them control his life. He is generous and loving, and I never question where I stand. We do things with our friends, but doing things with each other is the best. We met in a unique way; no one has a story like ours. He loves my friends and family but sees me as a jewel among regular stones. He supports me fully and we are equals. We like to travel. We are both driven and ambitious but don’t ever forget how to have a good time. We are fit and healthy running, biking, and overall being active.

We may have a child, or be planning to have one in the future.

Oh the places you’ll go February 27, 2008

These are the places on my list to visit… which will be next?

• Prague
• Puerto Vallarta
• Costa Rica
• Argentina
• Australia
• New Zealand
• Phoenix
• Austin

What will be the next place?

let it roll February 26, 2008

I think I’ve come to a solution with my guy problem. Or, problems in general.

Just not to get upset about the little things. That’s really what gets me every time. If someone doesn’t call on time or when I want, or return a call or email…that’s always when I get upset. So, why not just blow it off and not get upset?

There’s nothing really wrong with either (or any) of my guy sitches. We’re on even playing field, there’s no relationship to be had, we’re basically casual. So, why worry? Why even worry about responding them? It’s going to be all about me and what works for me. Cuz don’t you think they think like that? They’re boys, meaning they’re selfish.

My impatience doesn’t work well for me in situations like this. So, my new solution is to not sweat the small stuff. Basically, let it roll off my back.

stay away February 25, 2008

Seriously. I just need to complain today to get it out of my system. I’m about ready to kill 2 people and they just happen to be related. One, of course, is the damn boy I have a crush on who I was just getting over and then emailed me last week. What a loser! I debated about emailing him back, finally did and no response. Whatever. I am ready to send him an email saying, what? you can send an email but you can’t respond to one?!

The second is my friend Bridezilla who can’t take time of her busy schedule to attend the baby shower of one of our closest friends (who by the way has attended every single event for this damn wedding). Nor can she attend my 30th birthday party. But do NOT tell me I need to come down for the wedding DAYS before hand, in my actual b-day to get my damn nails done for YOUR wedding.

 Selfish, much?! Either of you!?

gggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggg February 21, 2008

Do you ever feel like you are entirely off base with your life and you’re living in a situation where you’re going against the grain every single day?

Something must be changed in this world b/c it is starting to affect you pretty deeply and affect not just the areas where the bad is, but the happy areas like your friendships and relationships and hobbies and free time.

You wonder if you should consider counseling or is this just situational? And if it is situational how can you try to change your situation? Because you feel like you are trying, but it feels like knocking your head against a brick wall.

You need to be able to make the changes you need to make at work

You need to be able to see the forest through the trees in the meantime.

loml…gone forever? February 18, 2008

So I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex lately…the one from almost 5 years ago… the one who I thought was the love of my life. To me, he seemed the best match out of all the guys I’ve dated (which have been many.) So that gets me wondering if he was the right one and I let him slip away? We didn’t really have a falling out, we just kind of lost touch. I mean, we stayed in touch years after we dated…almost 3, and have just lost touch in the past couple years. He used to have a myspace account but now doesn’t (Or does but it’s under a different email) and about a year ago I emailed him at his old email address and never got a response. This prompted me to think that he doesn’t want to be in touch with me. But not having a response from him was an odd thing, esp. since we talked throughout the times when we were both dating other people. In my email I just asked how he was, short and sweet, but no response. I could try his work email (if he is still working where he was 2 years ago) but otherwise I don’t know how to find him. I guess the worst thing that could happen is that he wouldn’t respond to my email (again.) Is it worth a try so I can put this situation out of my mind? I think I’m going to do it. One of my resolutions was to not to let fear prevent me from doing things. But then again, the door is closed..why open it?

be the girl i am February 17, 2008

• happy
• smiling
• fun-loving
• confident
• stylish
• ambitious
• goal-oriented
• sure of herself
• friendly
• funny
• charming
• sweet
• honest
• cool
• witty
• surprising

VD February 14, 2008

can stand for Valentine’s Day, as well as venereal disease. In some cases one is just as bad as the other. Ok, really I don’t want to be the bitter single person who hates the holiday. It’s really just another day. However, I will use this time to get my aggravation out about a boy-situation-turned bad.

So, as you may know, something weird happened a few months ago with a guy that it probably shouldn’t have (I say that because he is kind of like family- we’ve known each other long, but yet, we don’t know each other at all). Anyway, one drunken night over vacation when my friend and I went out with him and his friend, we ended up hooking up (just making out a little, everything PG rated!). And it was very disturbing to me, yet oddly enough I was turned on. (I think that’s what was disturbing.) So, that’s fine. It happened, we were wasted, I figured it was a one-time thing. Earlier that night we had exchanged email addresses for some reason (pre-cursor!?!) And during that two months we had exchanged a few emails.

It was my turn to email and I forgot to email back b/c so much was going on in my life. Then fast-forward 2 months when I see him again. I have a little too much champagne, and it happens AGAIN. Now, we both had some alcohol in our systems but we can’t blame that entirely. And this time it went a little south of PG-rated, if you know what I mean. So after that happens, I realize that I MUST like him, or at the very least like making out with him. Otherwise, why would I continue to do this?

(Also, here’s an interesting counterpoint – does this mean he likes me or likes making out with me? Or do guys just take what they can get?)

So, anyway. A week goes by and I can’t really stop thinking about him, so I figure, what the hell, I’ll email him (since it was technically my turn, anyway) so I emailed and he emailed back the same day sounding excited to hear from me. So, I waited a couple days then emailed again. No email. Now, I knew he had a lot going on and didn’t think twice about it. But then a week passed and then another and I never got a response.

 So, I kind of feel like I should be over it. I should be over it, right? Especially since we really won’t see each other for another 4 months. Part of me was hoping it wouldn’t be that long, but now… why should I go out of my way when he can’t even respond to an email?

Boys! They are so frustrating! Just another reason why it’s nice to be sans VD today.

that’s what “they” say February 14, 2008

“Most likely, it will happen when you’re not looking. It’s best to keep your eyes open.”

This quote I am applying to my love life. I don’t think C.S. Lewis meant to apply it to love lives when he wrote The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, but who knows? Maybe he did.

That’s what everyone says though, that you should stop looking and that’s when it will hit you. So, I’m going to stop looking. I should also stop getting frustrated about not having time to look! So I’ll stop that as well. I’m just going to start enjoying my life as it is and feel happy that these things are going to work out for me soon, and I may as well enjoy my singleness when I have it.

metabolism February 10, 2008

They say it changes around 30. I didn’t know they mean, like, really, right around 30. There have been so many changes the past months. Like, for one, I can’t drink so much anymore. Or rather, if I do drink the same amount, I end up getting sick. I mean throwing the next morning sick. This from a person who drank 10 years before ever throwing up. Now it’s like this regular thing.

Last night I tried to find the equilibrium point of drinking as much as I can without throwing up. I found it. It was after 1 vodka soda, and 2 beers. That’s not much. And I’m still not feeling that great today. I think the new key will be to drink water inbetween drinks and stop at 3.

Secondly, I have been eating like a madwoman lately. This is maybe due to the fact that I was sick for 3 weeks and all I could eat was chicken soup. So literally, I was starving. Anyway, I have been overeating lately and not the healthiest stuff and now it’s starting to show up on my body… not fun. I guess eating a lot of crackers or ice cream at midnight now has side effects.

So, here’s my new plan to cope with this change in metabolism:

• 3 drink maximum when I go out. Drink a glass of water in between, or at least 1 full one at the beginning and end of the night.
• Cut out refined carbs, meaning cookies, crackers, potato chips, etc. Now that I think of it, I’ll throw that stuff out right now and no longer buy it.
• Don’t eat after 6, and eat enough so I don’t eat after drinking.
• Eat a healthy breakfast and no fast food.
• Drink more water than I think I need to.

 I always new this day would come, but didn’t realize it would be so soon. Oh well, gotta change with the times I guess!